breathe.
in and out
closed lids
tongue between your teeth
fingers drifting on your keyboard

breathe.
the time is here now
you have no reason to be afraid

breathe.
i know you feel like
you won't make it
like these words you're crafting
can only take you so far
but you can make it.
i know you can.

breathe.
just a moment
a day
a month
but
you're here because you chose to be.

breathe.
nothing's keeping you
nothing's holding you down
you have wings of light and laughter to spread
and spread them if you must.

breathe.
you're not alone
you're okay
you're strong
and brave.

breathe.
you won't know if you can do this
until it's over
so instead of stopping,
quitting,
running

breathe.
and remember
it's okay.
the world stretches on
and it's so vast. 
it's waiting beyond your closed lids
ready for your eyes to feast.

breathe.
your heart is wide
and wider still it will beam.
it isn't over yet.



How are you all doing? Did you like this poem? If you did, let me know! I'm thinking of writing more during this month as mini motivators through the nano craze. 

But does that mean I'm failing nano? If you're in the "not rocking it" category like me, does that make us failures?

It's really easy to whine and say, "Ugh I'm so behind I'm such a failure. I'm failing this. Blah blah blah poor me ugh." But I challenge any of you who might be thinking this way to stop and ponder those words for a moment.

Are you really a failure? Are you really failing Nano?

In order to answer these questions, we need to go back to the beginning.

Why did you sign up for nano? 

Think about that question really hard. It might be as simple as, "Well, I always do." Or, "One of my friends wanted me to." Simple or complex, like, "I want to reach the part where so-and-so faces off with my antagonist."

My reason for signing up for this July's nano was fairly straightforward. "I want to write a short novel."

I tend to write really long, so writing short has been a challenge. But I have three days (two by the time you'll be reading this) to finish, and 15k left of my nano goal. I'm approaching the end, yes. But I'm not there, and I don't have long to catch up.

But at the same time, I don't feel like I'm failing. I feel like I'm going about slowly, because I am, but if I don't reach my nano goal, I'm actually going to be okay with that.

Why? Why am I okay with that? My stated goal above is "I want to write a short novel." That goal involves finishing it. But if I don't finish it, I'll still be okay?

There must be more to this.

I did nano because I wanted to write. I knew I'd be busy. I knew it would be really hard to make time for writing. I knew it was unlikely I'd be able to finish a novel anyway. But I still signed up because I knew that if I did, it would make me write. I would find times where otherwise I might not have.

I would make the time to do what I was capable of.

That's how you win nano. You do what you can, and you do it your best. 

I could have written 100k or three full novels, and I'd still feel satisfied like I do with an itty bitty 25k. Because no matter the word count, the heart of the goal is still the same.

Write what you can.

So if you're behind on your goal, relax. You're doing what you can. You've made the time you could, and you're writing. Do you realize how amazing that is? How amazing YOU are?

Well, you are amazing. You're writing this month, and that is fantastic. You're spending one month of your precious summer working towards something you love.

And that makes you a winner.


How is nano going for you? Have you "won" yet? Do you think you will? Why did you sign up for nano? If you're not doing nano, what are some goals you made this month, and have you met them?

It's okay to not meet a goal.

Goals are there to encourage you. When you don't meet a goal, beating yourself up about it totally defeats the purpose. You likely got a lot accomplished anyway, or at least something. And chances are nothing would have gotten done if you hadn't set a bar for yourself. Hadn't raised a standard to reach for.

It's okay to not feel so great.

You can't really control how you feel. You can choose to think about certain things, and you can choose to change your mindset, which often impacts how you feel. But you can't control every little feeling you have.

And it's okay not to feel great. It's okay to be down. It's okay to be sad. It's okay to be discouraged and disheartened.

The important thing is to remember that you will make it through. We are warriors, and we will fight our way through this life. We will be champions together.

It's okay to not have it all down. 

With my writing, I'm not really sure on some details. I don't know exactly how the Climax of Act Two and Three are going to happen. I'm not sure where my Dark Night of the Soul is going to take place. I'm not sure what my Midpoint even is.

And that's okay.

Writing is about exploring and discovering. So write. Write, even if you're not sure what you're doing. Write, even though the words are rough and you're kind of lost. It's okay to be a little confused.

It's okay to give up.

I don't mean you should abandon everything right now. I mean it's okay to give up a goal. It's okay to give up a deadline if you need more time, or have to move on to another project.

"Give up" tends to carry bad connotations with it. In reality, it's much the same as "letting go" which is very important and very necessary to just about every part of life. You can't live clinging to everything around you. You have to detach yourself a bit sometimes. You have to put up a line and say, "I can't take on anymore." Don't stretch yourself too thin. Give yourself some grace.

If you haven't met your nano goal, take a deep breath.

It's okay. You'll get there eventually.

If you don't know what's going to happen next in your story, take a deep breath.

It's okay. You can brainstorm your way through it.

If you don't think you can take on another project, take a deep breath.

It's okay. You can say no to people. You need to say no to people. It's hard, but it's better to give a few people your all instead of giving a dozen people just an exhausted smidge.

Take a deep breath and give youself some grace.

It's okay. 

Did you survive this month of Camp Nano? Nano-er or not, how did writing go for you this month? Do you need to give yourself some grace?

I think post-inciting incident is my sweet spot for disaster. The day nano started, I sat down at the keyboard and stared at the letters, at the waiting word document full of words that needed editing.

And I couldn't write a thing.

Three days in, I had a little over 1k.

That's not normal for me. I usually write quickly.

I was forced to admit the sad truth that I'd naively hoped wouldn't prove to be with my precious new baby, The Dream Walkers. It had been so nice to me so far.

But no. I'd hit a wall.

What to do? I've set a goal of 40k words to edit (now at 35k, possibly going down to 30k). I want to finish this draft before June. And, above all, I do NOT want to have another "TC" disaster. I will not spend a year on this draft. I can't. Not again.

I needed to break this wall. I needed to get a huge hammer and smash into it with all the power of a steam train. But how?

The first step was figuring out why I'd hit the wall. You can't really break something until you understand how it's built.

There are two main elements to what created my wall.
This book had been so good so far. But as nano started, so did all the major changes I had planned. And so the fear came. Fear of change. Fear I might mess everything up. Fear I wouldn't do it right.

On top of all that, I'm sending this draft to betas. Therefore, draft two must be perfect.

Right?

WRONG.

What do you think betas are there for? I know it can't be perfect yet, but that's the thing that was not allowing me to write at all. I needed to throw the words out. To force them onto the page.

And you can't do that and keep the quality high. You have to get in the dirt and heave.

Yes, I had some big changes to make. But I also had some brainstorming to do. There was world building I hadn't done (I know, shocking) and some character motives and secrets I needed to nail down. I got my notebook and began the brainstorming, and when I got home that evening, the words began to come better than they had all month.

I knew what changes I needed to make, but I wasn't really sure how to make them. I didn't really know where I was going, and I was left wandering about and gazing at the clouds.


So from these two points, I think we can guess how to fight the block.

Get your journal. Open the doc. Grab the restaurant napkin and pen. Whatever spurs your creative juices. Grab it and get to work. Be creative. Write down everything that comes to your mind. You'll find something. I know you will. I believe in you.

*glances at betas* Yes. Yes I did just do that.

A good book can only become great after a lot of work. It's not going to happen in just a few days and two drafts. It takes more than that. It takes trying new things and ideas and failing a little. It means scrapping things that don't work and trying things to see what does.

And that requires a little bit of boldness. A dash of daring. And a whole lot of bravery. You have to remember that there is no "failing". There are just things that won't work and things that will. You can always try again. The important thing is to decide on something, and go for it with all you've got.

Please, please, don't be afraid to write new things. To make changes. Some part of you wanted to make those changes in the first place. Likelihood is, it's going to make your book better.

And if all else fails, you just have to do it. You might have to lower your target goal or make some changes to what you'd wanted to get done, and that's okay. Give yourself some grace. Writing is hard, and editing is even harder. It's okay if you're not as fast as you'd like to be.

Just take a deep breath and let it go. In this moment, you are right where you need to be.


I hoped this might have encouraged some of you struggling to get the words down!

AND HERE'S A SNIPPET FOR YOU. It's small, don't worry ;P But I just have to let you in on my little reference I made up there. This becomes a theme throughout the book. It was totally pantsed in first draft, but I've kept it and it's become and integral part to pretty much all the characters. *snuggles my children*

*happy sigh* my little children

And now off you go! Go break the block!


How has nano been so far for you? Have you fared better than I have, or are you struggling with a block too? 

So I mentioned on here a while ago that my cousin and I had the brilliant idea of exchanging the first drafts of our WIPs. I gave her 85k first draft written for nano of 2015 titled, The Thief's Conspiracy, and she handed over the first draft of Delitescent, a massive beast of around 170k words written about three years ago.

The concept of handing over unedited work wasn't exactly a new idea for us. Back in the old writing days, we would actually mail our books to each other. Our letters would contain comments on them with ideas and thoughts.

Come to think of it, I haven't actually shared much of my writing with her that isn't first draft.

It may sound absolutely horrifying to you. Send off your first draft? NO WAY.

BUT. It was actually a really wonderful, beneficial experience. And you know what?

It was encouraging. Ridiculously encouraging.

We did it in a "book exchange" style. So I sent off my work, and she sent off hers. We both sent our first drafts too, which is a big difference from normal book exchanges.

It's very important to remember that this is not beta reading. This is encouragement reading. You are sending your book (and/or vice versa) to the reader, and the reader's job is to encourage you. I'm not saying they need to say the book is perfect. They are reading the book for the sole purpose of finding the good in it, and pointing it out to you.

It's so easy to drown in all the problems your book has. All the plot holes and flat characters and inconsistencies that you need to fix. Encouragement readers poke a hole through the dreariness of edits and say, "THIS SCENE IS AMAZING!! KEEP IT." Just a simple comment like that is sooo encouraging when you're wailing in despair about how horrible your story is turning out.

Before you send your story over, make sure you and the reader understand what the goal of this is. Especially if you're handing over a first draft. The reader needs to know what to expect, and what to look for. They are not critiquing. They are uplifting, and that is all.

We used Pinterest to share notes, and that was wonderful because I got blow by blow reader reactions of the story. If you do it this way, I would recommend copying and pasting the notes onto a document so you can refer back to them when slogging through edits.


You might be thinking, "What's the point?"

Having someone read your book for fun might not seem very helpful when you're trying to edit. But, at least for me, it was priceless. Plus, you have a fan now who is not going to let you give up your story.

And you don't have to hand over your first draft. Maybe you have a friend who isn't a writer, but they want to read your second draft for fun. Maybe that second draft is even going to beta readers.

That encouragement reader is going to be priceless. They're going to help find the gems of your story, and find the bright side of it.

But if you do send a first draft, here are some things to ...



This is a first draft. Remember that. Most of the writing is not going to be very good. There are going to be plot holes and inconsistencies.

But the author is probably already aware of a lot of them. They don't need someone to read the book and tell them what to fix. They can do that much on their own. The later drafts are where they'll need some help.

Your job is to find the good stuff. The stuff that the writer might not see. A certain scene that you loved, a certain character who just sparked life, etc.

Tell them what they're doing right.

Because it's so easy to find the wrong in stuff, we often miss the right. It's encouraging to have someone point it out, and it's important because you want that good stuff to make it through the next draft.

In conclusion, I would highly recommend doing this. Just having one person read to encourage is so beneficial in a lot of ways. It gives invaluable perspective on the story, and makes edits a little brighter.


So what do you think? Is this something you'd be interested in trying out? Have you done it before? 

(I did this last year, with What I've Learned from Five Years of Writing and thought I'd keep up the tradition.)

*WARNING: you will get some sentimental photos in this post. Brace yourself XP

And this first point will go to the "unfortunately" in my "that's not how it works".


Think about how boring it would be if when people started writing, they were all complete bosses at it.

Just think about it. It's one of those things that you kind of roll your eyes at and say, "I know, I know, it wouldn't be so great." But really think about it.

Everyone has to start somewhere. And when you start a brand new thing, it only makes sense to start at rock bottom. And then you work and grow into a beautiful seasoned writer.

And you keep working, and keep growing.

And I think that's one of the most beautiful parts of writing.

We've moved past binders, but here's a photo of my cousin and me when we were eleven, holding our books.

*happy sigh* we were so little.

Meaning, it's okay if you don't rip out 5k words every day and get your 90k word drafts finished in a month, and get that thing whipped into pristine shape in three months and off to beta readers right after, and have it all polished and ready for publication before the year is up.

That's ... unrealistic. Maybe not for some people *pokes those select few and checks pulses for proof of humanity* but for the general public, writing just doesn't happen that quickly. It takes time.

And that's okay.

Maybe someday when you're published and writing is how you make your living, you'll be able to write that fast. You'll be able to write and publish a book every year.

But you will be able to write that fast because it will be your job. You won't have school or other work. You will have loads more time to dedicate to writing.

But right now, if you're not writing for a living ... you've got either school or work. And that takes time. I've been writing for six years now, and I've written ... five complete first drafts. (one of them co-written)

And ... I haven't gotten any one of those into reading shape.

Which leads to number three.

It's unfair to try to make yourself accomplish as much as a published, writing-for-a-living author. Both to you, and to them. This is what they do for a living. Of course they're going to write more than you!

It took a lot of work and discipline in order for them to get where they are today. Why should you be an exception to that?

Sometimes we have these expectations lurking in the back of our minds. And it makes us insecure in our writing because we're "failing" in all these areas that we feel we should be excelling in. And if you feel bad/insecure about your writing, sit back and try to figure out why you feel that way. Are you wasting time you could be using writing by playing on your phone? Okay, maybe you could work on that one. Are you berating yourself for not having the book you started a year ago off to beta readers? Give yourself a break. Think about why you feel that way. If you're doing your best with the time you have, THAT IS ALL YOU CAN DO. Don't beat yourself up if you're not meeting expectations that you cannot reach.

Figure out what you can do with the time you have, and make the most of it. You'll have a lot more peace in your writing.


You might be squinting right now thinking, "...yeah? Is this supposed to surprise me?"

I don't know how I got this mindset. Back in the early days, I guess I read too many blog posts warning authors not to "preach" when they try to get their theme across. And that just drummed into my mind, "DON'T THINK OF ANY THEMES. DON'T ADD THEM IN. YOU DON'T WANT TO SCARE ANYONE AWAY." And it bothered me for an embarrassingly long time.

But now that I've been reading blogs and craft books for a while, I realize that was a really silly mindset for me to have taken on. Themes are not a bad thing. They are what make your story special. They are what give your book true meaning.

They are what impact readers.

And yes, you don't want to preach. I still try to avoid putting names to my themes, but there are some that I'm aware of and look for ways to incorperate. Like loneliness and sibling-friendships and self worth.

Themes are beautiful. So embrace them, and don't be ashamed of them!

(sentimental photo of me flipping through my first book, back in the old days)

STORY TIME!

Okay, so when I was ... thirteen? I think I was thirteen ... Anyway, when I was thirteen, my mom asked me to read my book aloud during our read aloud time.

*cue gasps of horror*

I know, I know. Every writer's worst night mare, right? At least it was for me.

I freaked. out.

I printed out my prologue and first chapter and smoothed it out and took deep breaths, but when I sat in there to read, with everyone waiting and listening ...

I could not utter a single word.

I just burst into tears.

That created a looooot of problems for me in the future which I will not go into right now, but the point I want to make is it is okay to say no to people. Even people who are close to you. People whose opinions you value.

You know when your story is ready to be read. Don't push yourself past that. Just explain to the person in question that it's just a first draft and not ready to be read/going through lots of edits at the moment and you're not comfortable handing it out to anyone yet/etc. There will come a time to share, and you will have to grit your teeth and push yourself to hand those chapters over.

But let yourself have time to give something you're proud of. Something that you've worked hard on. In that way, if they're critiquing it, you'll get feedback you need, too. It won't be stuff you're already aware of but have yet to fix.

I might be smiling here, but should anyone try to read my work I would shriek and hiss.

Which leads to point six.


This past year, when I won a contest and got to send the first three chapters of my manuscript to HarperCollins for a critique, I spent a whole month doing almost nothing but editing, desperately trying to whip my chapters into shape to meet that creeping deadline (there's a reason 'deadline' begins with 'dead'). And once I sent those chapters to the editor, my family attacked in full force.

"This means we get to read it now, right?"

"If you can send it to a professional editor up in New York, you can give it to us."

I pretty much had no choice but to hand it over. But at that point, it wasn't that hard to let it go. I had that whole month to mentally prepare myself (I figured my family would finally make me hand over my work) and I had worked really hard on editing these chapters.

In short, I had something I was proud of.

I'm not saying those chapters were perfect. And the feedback from the editor gave me a lot to think about, and a lot of stuff to work on.

But those chapters were some of the best writing of which I was capable at that time. If I look back at them now, I can probably make changes and make it better. But it's been several months. Of course I can make it better.

I've grown since then.

My advice would be to write something you can polish and be proud of. It'll be hard to let go of it, and scary. But it has to happen eventually.

Plus, your family will stop bugging you (save to ask for more).


I hope this post encouraged/enlightened you! I've learned loads more than this, of course, but that's what Stan is for, is it not?


What have you learned from writing? 

Sorry for my disappearance last week! I had a super busy and stressful weekend, and week leading up to it, so since I posted on Tuesday I let myself off the hook for Saturday. Hopefully you all survived without my geniusness ;P

But I will make it up to you! Stan's a year old, so I'm a knowledgeable and seasoned blogger by now (right???) and have much smarts and wow words to bring to you.


I don't do monthly wrap ups (Is that a thing you guys would like me to do? If so, please shout out in the comments cause I've been pondering it.) and since I don't do them, I don't have a reason to tell you about my writing accomplishments / updates / etc.

Right now I'm nearing the end of draft 2 of The Thief's Conspiracy which ... has been quite an adventure. My word count has already gone up 30k words since the last draft which I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT. But more edits will come, and that's okay.

Once I finish this draft (which I'm going to do this month - I AM.) I will then tackle edits on my wee little nano novel, The Dream Walkers, which I miss dearly and have not touched since November. *shudders to think what might wait for me* Right now, it sits fondly in the back of my mind, enticing me to come and flip through its pages that burst with beauty and creativity.

At least, that's what it's claiming. *squints* I'm not sure how accurate that is. Probably ... not.

Any-who. So I'm at all these stages in these two different projects, and they both hold a huge place in my heart. And it's great! I've been making so much progress lately.

But here's the thing.

I find often myself unhappy with where I am.

I'm one of those kids that grew up wanting to be older. When I was eight I distinctly remember longing to be eighteen so I could go to the moon and fly (cause, obviously, that was the first thing I would do when I became an adult). And even as I got older, I wanted to grow older still. When I was in second grade I wanted to be in third grade so I could be in the special class at church that everyone raved about. When I was in third grade, I wanted to be in fourth grade so I could go to the special summer camp everyone raved about. And in all those grades, I wanted to be in sixth grade so I could do stuff with my church's youth group. And then when I was in middle school I wanted to be in high school so I could go to the special high school age stuff and be cool and one of the "older kids" and drive.

I was never satisfied. I was never happy with where I was.

And don't get me wrong. It's not like I had a miserable childhood. It was wonderful, getting to grow and do all those things.

But looking back ... I just wished I had taken some time to slow down and appreciate where I was in life.

Cause you're only there once.

You're only nine years old for a year, and then it's gone.

You're only in middle school for three years.

You're only in high school for four.

Life goes so quickly. And each step is new and exciting and beautiful. And even now, I long for the excitement and freedom and newness of college, which is only next year *screams in excitement and horror*

How does this relate to writing?

Well, I found myself doing the exact same thing with writing. Right now, it's the beta readers that are really calling my name.

"You have to whip this book into shape so you can GIVE IT TO ALLLL DA PEOPLE." And while yes, I really want to do that, and yes it's a GREAT thing ... I need to slow down. Because right now, I'm feeling bad about myself. When you are constantly focusing on where you want to be, you forget where you are and where you've been. You forget how much you've already done, and you focus on all the things you have yet to do and experience.

And that makes for feeling like a failure.

So please, I beg you, join me in this new mindset. YES, keep striving for that next step. But remember that writing (and life) is all about growth. And it is completely unfair to mentally beat yourself up over not reaching a place in your writing before you're ready. I have not gone through multiple drafts of TC. So I do not need to beat myself up about not having sent it off to betas yet.

That will come in time.

But first, I have to finish this draft. And the next one, and probably another one.

And I am going to let go of the shame of not moving faster and enjoy doing this writing thing. I'm going to enjoy each and every step of this process, and make it all count and matter. When I go to my little nano book, I'm going to have to remember that it's a first draft and really small and little and it will need lots of work because that's just my process. Good art takes time.

Let go of the pressure, the expectations to whip out books and give them to people. Look at where you are in your writing right. now. and admire it. Find something you love about this particular step. Being in the second draft, I love how I'm making the book better, but I'm still at an early enough stage where I can let go of some problems and fix them later. I won't have that luxury as much next draft.

Enjoy every step, of writing and of life. Because who knows? We aren't guaranteed another. So why spend any of those precious steps in shame and misery?

Smile. Breathe. Relax.

Enjoy writing. Enjoy life.

Do you struggle with longing to be further than you are? (have fun working out my wordage) What are some perks to the step in writing you're in right now? 

It's the Big Question, after all. It's what we've all been working towards all month ... right?

If you haven't hit this number yet, you might be experiencing some doubts and fears that you won't reach it. And that will somehow make you ... a failure at writing.

After all, this goal has been set. When we don't reach a goal, we fail.

...right?



Guys, I hope you don't think this. I've probably said this before, but I'm going to say it again.

We are creating art here. And we're not all going to do it the same way.

The goal of this month, the goal of NaNoWriMo itself, is NOT TO HIT 50K.

The goal is to get you to write.

The goal is to get you to think about writing. To try to find time this month to dedicate to your novel. How you do that is up to you. How much time you spend is your choice personally. Some have more time to dedicate to writing than others.

And that's okay. That's just how life works.

If you're not at 50k yet, don't despair. You still have time to punch out the words and hit that mark. And even if you don't hit that 50k, even if you've only written 100 words this month, you still wrote.

And that makes you a winner. Because this month is not about 50k. This month is about working on our stories. Our art. What we love.

Don't let yourself get down in the dumps if you didn't write as much as everyone else did. Where would be the fun in that, if we all wrote the same?

So spent these last few days of November how you will. Write when you can, and write what you love. Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Whether you write it all this month or not, if you put your mind to it this book will get written eventually. So keep writing, nano or not. Have confidence in who you are and what you do.

Do what you love, and do it boldly.

Have you hit 50k for nano? If not, do you have another goal in mind? Are you struggling with your word count, or are you feeling okay / good about it? If you need some encouragement, I'll try to respond to your comments on Sunday! (I'm gone all day today and for most of Sunday though, but I'd love to chat with you guys) 

CONFESSION TIME. Some of you might remember that I switched my nano novel in the beginning of October. I took on a whole new project about dreams. I was so excited, I did my first Beautiful Books post about it.

And then I read two other Beautiful Books posts. You know what their books were about?

Dreams.

Immediately, I felt that warm glow of excitement, the rush of happiness as I plan a new creation, that love and passion for an idea ... I felt all of that fade. Like iron heated over the fire, I had been thrust into the water, and my warmth for The Dream Walkers, my excitement and passion for it fizzled.

Their books are better, a little voice whispered in my ear. Their ideas are cooler. You think this is such a good idea? You're stupid. A goose could write this book better than you. You should just give up now, before you embarrass yourself.

This was stupid. I knew it was stupid. For any book I choose to write, I'm going to find similar ideas out there, or at least stories with similar elements.

That's why comparison is such a dangerous beast. It's so easily accessible. All you have to do is poke in on a writer friend and be like, "Oh heyyy how's nano?" and then they'll say, "Oh, I'm super behind at only 181473298474897562523k words" to which you reply

i'm done

It's so easy to feel bad about yourself then. Why can't I be at 181473298474897562523k words like so-and-so? UGH I'M SUCH A FAILURE AT WRITING.

That is where I will address my first qualm with comparison.


I did a post on the woes of word warring a while back, and in it I talked a bit about pace. (not the pace of a story, but the speed at which one writes)

In a really good war, I can crank out 300 words in 5 minutes. That means in a 10 minute war, I will (on occasion - when I'm steaming and words are explosive) crank out 600ish words.

This is my pace.

It's my goal now that I've pinpointed it. Yes, I am capable of writing 300 words in 5 minutes. Yes, I can write 600 words in 10 minutes. That is my pace.

So when I word war someone, I am not aiming to beat them.

I'm aiming to beat myself.

And that perspective needs to be zoomed out to encompass all of NaNoWriMo. For some, it is possible for them to crank out 20k in a day. *pointedly looks at a few particular people* Some people can finish NaNo in THREE STINKIN' DAYS. Heck, Katie did hers in 10 (i know, she's a boss).

These people are all different. They all have their own paces, their own processes, and their own styles. Just because someone can crank out 20k in a day doesn't mean I'm a failure for not being able to do the same.

It doesn't work like that.

300 words in 5 minutes.

That's my pace.

That's MY pace.

It's not yours. You need to find your pace. And if you have a slow war, you can tell yourself, "I know I can write faster." Not, "So and so can write faster. Why can't I be like them?"

That's just not a fair outlook. We are all amazing, unique, talented people. Embrace your pace. Embrace your process and style.

Embrace yourself, for you are unique and special. No one can tell your story like you can, and no one can write quite like you. Take pride in that. Don't let yourself get down because of your differences.

#rantover

(can you tell i'm passionate about this? sorry to rant. actually i'm not sorry.)


I can sum up my book in a single word: dreams.

But something happens when you do that. You lose ... just about everything that makes the book yours. So if you walk around thinking, "I'm writing a book about dreams and it's going to be the best thing ever!!!" that might not be the smartest mindset.

Think about your best friend. What do you love about them? I love my best friend's laugh, and her smile, and her corny jokes that are just so bad I can't help but double over laughing till I can't breathe and my face is red and tears are streaming.

Now imagine what would happen if we all walked around looking at people and seeing their skeletons. Just the bones that support and hold them together.

They're all basically the same, right?

There are no more unique people, with pretty laughs and smiles. That's all gone. It's just bone.

Treat your stories like people. See the story for what it really is - and when you catch yourself comparing your story with someone else's, zoom out. Look at the whole novel. Is probably won't be a similar as you think.


My cousin is a boss.

(just thought you ought to know)

I'll have to tell you all the full story sometime of how I became a writer, but my cousin played an integral role in that.

But today is confession day. And I'm here to say that ... I've always been a little jealous of my cousin.

She has such an amazing brain. Her ideas - just ... WOW. So many, so creative, so all over the place. They come so effortlessly to her (or seemingly so).

And like, this girl ... you should see her work at characters. She has page after page after page of backstory on her characters. And not just the main ones. If I asked her who her MC's cousin's best childhood friend was, she would be able to look at me and tell me a summary of this person's life, including major events that shaped them into the person they are today. It doesn't even matter to her if they're in the story or not. Legit. Like, I am not exaggerating. It's crazy.

My brain doesn't work like that. I don't understand how she can do it, and I used to get really down about it. Like, can't I be awesome like that too, please?

But that's not how I work. I come up with the character backstory I really need and don't go much further. (except for in world building - hehehe) and that works for me. Backstory is one of her greatest writing strengths. World building is mine.

We are different.

And that is okay. It is nothing to feel down about, or ashamed of.


Take a closer look before you say something is "better" or "worse". Think more of differences and the beauty we have in being unique. Reevaluate how you think when you look at someone's blurb or snippet or word count. Don't think why can't I be like them? But try to appreciate them for who they are, and show that same courtesy to yourself.

NaNo is a giant, world wide effort. It's really easy to fall into the trap of comparing. You're writing alongside thousands of other writers! Of course it's going to be difficult not to look over their shoulders and see their word count and their snippet that looks so beautiful and say, WHY CAN'T I WRITE LIKE THAT?

But please don't. Don't see differences as being better or worse. Just look at them as differences. It will make the world a much more beautiful place.

How goes nano for you all (if you're doing it)? Do you struggle with comparing?

Hi guyyyys! It's day 5 of nano! How are you all surviving? *checks pulses* I'm actually at a sleepover today, and I'm going to be gone. all. day. SO. ahaaaaaaha. I had to get ahead on the first few days so my word count on the third was 12k, and it's probably going to stay there. I realized midway through day 1 that I'm actually going to be gone ... every weekend this month?? Or at least, doing a big time sucking thing every weekend. *hysterical laughter*

But that's okay. You got this, I got this, we all got this. Please tell me how you're doing! I WANT TO HEAR ALL THE THINGS <3

But anyway. I was feeling the blogger love /before/ nano, so I will hopefully have enough posts to still keep on schedule (look at me! *dances*). This particular post has been on my heart a lot, especially this week.

So. On with the post!

I want to change lives with my writing.

That's not something I've always consciously wanted. I started writing stories simply because I enjoyed doing it. But it has grown into something so much more. And suddenly there's this pressure. I want to help people. I want to impact my readers. I want to give them that powerful emotional experience that every writer strives for.

But ... what if I don't? What if I never even finish this book, anyway? What if no one ever reads my words?

If you're thinking this, I want you to stop. Right here, right now, stop. Gaze at these words and think.

Why are you writing?

The Dream Walkers. I'm writing this book because there are things I need to discover, and this book is my key to doing that.

I'm writing this book because it will impact me.

Not my cousin. Not my mother. Not my dad or my siblings or my best friend or my best friend's aunt or my neighbor's niece.

I'm writing it because it is going to help me. It's going to change me. It's going to impact me.

That may sound a bit selfish, but I don't think it is. Likelihood is, someone out there is struggling with what I've been struggling with. Maybe they have a sister they're not sure how to get along with. Maybe they have a fear they can't conquer. Maybe they have a longing to be loved and accepted (don't we all have that longing?) and are struggling with feelings that they're not, and never will be.

And so, in helping myself ... I just might help others. If I do get this book published (which I'm pretty sure I will) then yes, my writing will reach others.

But right now, I'm not there yet. I'm in Nano. I'm in messy draft one. I'm in bad words and crunch time and uncertainty and late nights and ice cream binge eating and sore wrists. That's where I am.

But I'm discovering. And that's beautiful. And it's just what I needed.

Writing impacts you. So if you are afraid you will never help anyone, never change or challenge anyone, never influence or inspire, just take a look at yourself. What has writing done for you?

Is that not worth it?

Keep writing, lovelies. It's worth it.


Please, tell me how nano goes for you! And if you're not doing nano, what things writing-wise are you doing this month? 

Four years ago, right around this time of the night, I finished my first book.

I remember it vividly. I was sitting at my desk in our school room. It was relatively late at night and everyone was asleep except for my older sister and my dad. The lights were dim. My big purple binder sat on the desk before me, open and ready for the last words that would dub it "finished". My hands were shaking so badly as I scribbled those last few words.

Since this was the first book in a series, I didn't feel like I could write "the end" but I had to write something XP

They were shaking because I knew I was close to the end. I'd been working towards that moment for almost two years. I knew each word that would form the story's closure. I'd had them planned for a very long time.

And finally I was writing it.

Hands shaking, I managed to scratch out those last few words. Then I set my pencil down, stared at the old notebook page ... and burst into tears.

I sobbed hard for probably ten minutes. Maybe longer. My sister and dad came in and asked what was wrong and I could just manage to croak out, "I finished it."

A year and eight months since I'd started writing this story, I wrote the last words. Why did I sob my eyes out? (I was twelve, by the way) I've never cried when finishing a book since then. I cried twice when I wrote my WIP, but that was during one really touching scene that always makes me almost cry, and while writing the very very tragic climax. Both really emotionally gripping and difficult scenes. But not the ending.

So why was my first book different?

It was my first book. And if you've never finished a book before, you'll probably sympathize with the point I'm about to make.

Up until that moment ... I wasn't sure if I could do it.

A lot of people "write stories" after all. Pretty much all of my friends had at least started a story at one point in their lives, but they didn't usually make it past page three. So when people heard I was a writer, they just assumed I was like them. Not really serious about it. I made it past chapter three pretty quickly (thanks to my cousin) but I still wasn't sure if I was really a writer. I wasn't sure if I had it in me to write a full length novel ending in "The End."

But I did. (you could argue that I didn't, actually, since I didn't end with "the end" but we'll not go into that right now)

*dumps a couple more pictures on you just cause*

I had a hanging bed for several years around this time, and I developed this ritual of sorts where when a big thing happened, I'd write under my bed. And so, obviously, I wrote under it that night. XP

I am way too sentimental but this is the calendar from that year (forgive my atrocious handwriting ICK)

I also felt like no one believed I could do it. This belief is probably really wrong, but it was there, wedged in the back of my mind. No one takes you seriously, it would whisper. No one believes in you. You should just give up. You're not good enough to write this, anyway. 

But I did. I wrote the book. I pushed through and ground out all four hundred and fifty-three pages of it.

*sniffles* my little baby

I didn't give up.

If you haven't finished a book yet, let me tell you this. You will. You will if you don't give up. So don't give up.

No one believes in you? Who cares. God believes in you. That's why he's given you this passion. This gift. Now it's time for you to believe in you. Believe in yourself. Trust that God knows what He's doing with your life, and plunge in head first with everything you've got.

God believes in you. I believe in you. Now you need to believe in yourself.

Don't give up. Keep writing.

I don't plan my blog posts.

I know this might seem weird to some of you (especially my fellow bloggers) but it's just how I work. The moment I plan a blog post is the moment the excitement and drive to write it fizzles right out of me into a puddle on my keyboard. It's just like when someone tells me what to do. Even if I was planning on doing it anyway, any desire and drive to do it suddenly leaves and I search for every reason not to do it. It's just the way I am.

If I say, "I'm going to write about [insert random topic] next week," then when next week rolls around ... I find my motivation to write about that topic has drained away (usually. There are sometimes exceptions).

Do you find this happening to you?

Some call it "writers block".

I call it not writing from your heart.

(I'm actually not sorry for all the heart themed posts lately. It's been on my heart. Hehe. He. Ehem.)

Anyway. What happens when your heart is in something?


Suddenly, they aren't just words on a page. They are words that have been uttered through clenched teeth by the character you created. You can almost hear them being spoken as you read. You can see the setting and you can feel the hurt and anger your characters feel in the sting of a betrayal, or the rush of joy they get when they see an old friend.

But how do you write from your heart? 

Writing just what you "feel" like writing is dangerous sometimes (kind of like how I wait for a feeling to write blog posts. It's not uncommon for Friday to arrive and BOOM I don't know what to write about OOPS).

You want to write from your heart, what you're passionate about ... but in order for it to come truly from your heart it has to mean something to you. It has to be more than just a feeling. It has to mean more than just "Oh, I like this idea! It looks shiny and fun! Let's ditch everything and write this now!"

Those are distractions. They're fun little ideas, but often those need to be given a bit of attention (just enough to lull the bunny to sleep, if you will) so you can focus on your current project.

The one that you're five drafts into.

How? How are you five drafts into this? Heck, how are you half way through a second draft? Because second drafts are hard, guys. Second drafts are ugly. They're messy, and so far they're not really much fun.

So why do we keep writing?

With my WIP, The Thief's Conspiracy (TC), I am slugging through the second draft, which I had to start over again last week. It is hard. It is taking forever. I've been working on this draft for months. Seven months, to be exact. (granted I took almost two months off, but still.)

When I look at it like that, I get really discouraged. I think, "This is taking forever. I just want to write something easy that has no problems."

But I know I never will. Because a) all books have problems, but b) I will never abandon TC. It simply means too much to me.

Because I wrote it straight from my heart. Writing that book was the equivalent of cutting my chest open and bleeding onto the keyboard. My soul went into this project. I cried as I wrote parts of it. I sympathize with all the characters on a deep level.

Because it all came from my heart. It came like all ideas do: new, exciting, intriguing. It captured my attention and I bounded after it. I wrote a few pages of notes for it, then tucked it away for a while. When I decided it was time to move on from my old series and start a whole new project, there it waited.

I'm not sure what drove me to choose that idea from the other files in the idea folder on my computer. But that was the one I picked, and from there, my creativity exploded.

Because I decided to do it. I decided I was going to write it.

And from that moment on, I truly loved my story. That story became a part of my heart, because I chose to make it so.

Do you see what I'm saying here? It's the same concept as love. Love is not a feeling. You love your parents, right? But do you always like them? Do you always want to hug them and gush about how amazing they are?

The same principle applies to your stories. You won't always like them. You'll want to ditch them for something that doesn't give you as much trouble. You'll want to run after pretty new plot bunnies. But you don't. Not if you've made that decision to love your story.

So here are a few tips on how to capture it while you still have that "feeling." Cause, don't get me wrong: the feeling really helps. Wanting to write your book sure makes it a lot easier. Wanting to edit (is that a thing???), wanting to solve the plot issues, having that desire makes everything a lot easier.


When I first get an idea, it is so exciting. I'm sure it's the same way for all of you. It's new, it's fresh, and there are so many possibilities waiting to be explored. Write down the heart of that idea, the beginnings of it. Write it down, before there are any plot holes or character issues or anything. Just write it down.


If you're a planner, take your time planning! Keep your journal (or document) open at your side, and let the idea of the project fill your mind. Explore it, ask lots of questions, and have fun.

If you're not a planner, take your time with the first draft! If you don't enjoy writing first drafts, then maybe don't take your time with it, but if you love first-drafting, try not writing so fast. Try taking your time, mulling things over, and enjoying the freedom.



You'll feel the benefits.

I make sure I write every blog post from my heart. If I'm not feeling a topic I've chosen, I don't write it. I write something else. I remember one Friday night, at nine or ten o'clock, I had planned a blog post and written half of it earlier that week but I just wasn't feeling it. And so I opened a new doc and poured out a totally new post that I had not planned to write at all. Guess what? It's my most popular post on this blog. 

And you want to know a scandalous little secret? *leans close and whispers* I don't edit my blog posts. *winces as every reader gasps and stares* I KNOW I KNOW IT'S PROBABLY REALLY NAUGHTY THAT I DON'T. I do a liiiiitle bit. (I edited this one a bit, actually.) I will read it once I'm done writing it, and then tweak a few things sometimes. But when I write a post, it's usually something that has been on my mind/heart for a while or at least stewing in the back of my mind. I haven't planned when I'll write it, and I wait for the feeling that I should. And then I do.

I hope some of this helped you, and it wasn't too all over the place XP Hehe now that I say I don't plan blog posts, I'm going to announce that I've actually planned blog posts for all of October! (Well, right now I haven't, but I have vague idea for what I'll do.) Let's just say, it's going to be NanoThemed *mysterious grin* and YOU WILL STILL HOPEFULLY ENJOY IT EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT DOING NANO. but duuuuudes you totes shoullllld.

Do you struggle to write from your heart? What are your tips on doing so? ARE YOU DOING NANO??? (i know i already asked this but I'm not even sorry so get over it.)

AS PROMISED: a post on bunnies.

Aren't I a good little blogger? Look at me, keeping my word on what I post. I promised you guys a happier post, and here you are! ENOUGH ABOUT DEAD BUTTERFLIES.

Now we have ...

BUNNIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(just in case you didn't know, bunnies are my favorite animal so I might go a little crazy with bunny love in this post. asking forgiveness in advance.)

LOOK AT THE RUNNING LITTLE BUNNY!!!!!!!!!! ISN'T IT ADORABLE???

Wait don't leave! I promise this is writing related.

You've all heard the phrase, "rabbit trails" right? Or, "plot bunnies"? So you're sitting there typing ever so slowly on this idea you've been working on for three stinkin' years ... and your hands just don't want to move and your brain is mush and what do you even like about this story anyway? The MC is soooo dull. The plot is sooooo dull. Everything about this story seems sooooo dull and you're sick and tired of it and struggling not to just print out your whole document and burn it. (just deleting it on the computer wouldn't be satisfying enough, lets face it.)

And then, all of a sudden ... A BUNNY! LOOK AT IT.


It's running hard, and if you don't throw everything down right this second, it's going to get away. And it's so cute and fluffy and adorable and exciting ... how can you not toss aside your WIP and race after it?

And so you do. You close your doc and pull up a new one and stop that bunny in its tracks. It's a little slippery and challenging to snare, but once you've got it you're all the more satisfied with it. It's snuggled up in your arms and it's SO STINKIN' CUTE.

paradiiiiiiiise

You've caught the little ball of fluffy delightfulness, and you've got your cup of coffee and your notebook and you're scribbling frantically and getting ink on your hands and lots of cramps and it's just so wonderful and new. You've caught it! It's so exciting, this new idea. Any thought of your WIP is long gone. That poor project is lost in the chase of the new, lively bunny.

And then, once you have about one little page of hastily scribbled notes, your conscious kicks in.

You were supposed to write 2k words today, drat. And you're behind from yesterday's goal, too. You need to grind out 4k, or else you'll lose the steam you've been keeping up since the beginning of the month. You're determined to finish the draft before nanowrimo in the fall so you can take a break and write something new and fresh.

So you get up. You leave your new little bunny and you sit your butt down and you begin to write.

But the bunny isn't done with you yet.

what are you doing

It perks up when you get out of bed, and it watches in bewilderment as you return to your old book.

Nope. It's not having that.

YOU MUST WRITE ME, MORTAL

It comes right up next to you and sticks it little nose in your face and says, YOU MUST WRITE ME.

Your hands falter on the keys and you bite your lip, torn with indecision. You can't think about your WIP anyway ... so maybe you could just pull up the doc/journal page for your new idea and ...

Thirty minutes later, you snap out of it. It's ten oclock! You have to hit your word count. So you go back to your WIP and you set the timer for twenty minutes and you WILL NOT STOP FOR ANYTHING. The house could catch fire, your little brother could come running in with a pirahnha clinging to his nose, or all your stuffed animals could come to life and began playing duck duck goose in a circle around you, but you refuse to budge.

You will finish this.

The bunny is angry you've left it again. He sticks his face in yours once more and growls, WHY YOU NO WRITE ME.

LET ME LOVE YOU

The clock ticks on and so do you. The bunny goes ignored.

The bunny isn't happy. The bunny is sad. His angry steam isn't working, so he decides to take a new tactic.

but ... why can't you write me?

Your fingers are faltering at the fluffy, pitiful ball of pure cuteness, but you have to get this done. You've got to get up early tomorrow, so you need to go to bed at a sane hour. YOU MUST GET TO WORK.

Through sheer willpower, you ignore the adorable creature hovering over your shoulder and grind out your 4k. They stink though. They're so forced, and you don't know what to do about it. But they're words, and you'll have to settle for them.

The rest of the week is much the same. Every time you turn around, the bunny is there. Sometimes furiously demanding, sometimes slightly sad.

why you no love me

Finally, come Saturday when you're supposed to write 10k, you can't take it anymore. You slam your fist down and say, "WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO? I CAN'T JUST ABANDON MY WIP!"

The bunny doesn't care. He stands there watching you, head tilted, whiskers quivering. That's when you know you've got to do something. You can't just ignore it.

But what do you do? What do you do when that amazing, new, tempting idea is lurking and prodding and making all the words you put into your WIP forced and terrible, because your heart has shifted and you don't feel the love for it in that moment?

The key is to get the bunny to quiet down for a while. You've got to lull the fluff-ball to sleep. Then it won't lurk, it won't follow you around, and it won't fluff up adorably and give you the big baby eyes, distracting you from what you need to be working on.

Now you know what you need to do. But ... how do you lull the rabbit to sleep?

Writing and time. That's the only thing you can do. You open the doc/journal for the new idea and you let yourself get lost in its fresh, beautiful wonder for just a day or two. You make a map. You come up with the names of your characters. You get a vague idea for the plot.

Now that you're paying attention, the bunny doesn't have to work so hard to be noticed. He can relax a bit. Snuggle up.

getting sleepy

You're so close. It's been three days since you've left your WIP. But just a bit longer ... just this last plot point you want to get down and then ...

the bunny is out

Awwwww he's asleep! FINALLY! Like a mother with her whiny newborn, you slip out of your chair and gently pick the baby up, praying you don't wake him. You carry the little rabbit to a bundle of blankets where you tuck him to sleep for a good long while. Hopefully.


The bunny is fast asleep now, and you go back to your WIP feeling refreshed from your small break. It actually helped to think about another idea, and you plunge back into the old one with renewed vigor.

Like that mother with the baby, you only have a certain amount of time before you hear the crying that means your free time is up. The bunny will wake, but hopefully he'll sleep longer than a baby would. In the meantime, you can write on your WIP undisturbed (for the most part).


I don't get a lot of book ideas (about one every month or so) but when I do, they are massive, beautiful bunnies that demand my attention, usually for several days. Once I stop ignoring them and give them the time and attention they want, they usually quiet down and I can go back to my WIP after those few days of indulgence. I'm going to write this story eventually, anyway. The time is not wasted. It's good to take a break and have fun with a new idea for a while.