Every Step
6:00 AMSorry for my disappearance last week! I had a super busy and stressful weekend, and week leading up to it, so since I posted on Tuesday I let myself off the hook for Saturday. Hopefully you all survived without my geniusness ;P
But I will make it up to you! Stan's a year old, so I'm a knowledgeable and seasoned blogger by now (right???) and have much smarts and wow words to bring to you.
I don't do monthly wrap ups (Is that a thing you guys would like me to do? If so, please shout out in the comments cause I've been pondering it.) and since I don't do them, I don't have a reason to tell you about my writing accomplishments / updates / etc.
Right now I'm nearing the end of draft 2 of The Thief's Conspiracy which ... has been quite an adventure. My word count has already gone up 30k words since the last draft which I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT. But more edits will come, and that's okay.
Once I finish this draft (which I'm going to do this month - I AM.) I will then tackle edits on my wee little nano novel, The Dream Walkers, which I miss dearly and have not touched since November. *shudders to think what might wait for me* Right now, it sits fondly in the back of my mind, enticing me to come and flip through its pages that burst with beauty and creativity.
At least, that's what it's claiming. *squints* I'm not sure how accurate that is. Probably ... not.
Any-who. So I'm at all these stages in these two different projects, and they both hold a huge place in my heart. And it's great! I've been making so much progress lately.
But here's the thing.
I find often myself unhappy with where I am.
I'm one of those kids that grew up wanting to be older. When I was eight I distinctly remember longing to be eighteen so I could go to the moon and fly (cause, obviously, that was the first thing I would do when I became an adult). And even as I got older, I wanted to grow older still. When I was in second grade I wanted to be in third grade so I could be in the special class at church that everyone raved about. When I was in third grade, I wanted to be in fourth grade so I could go to the special summer camp everyone raved about. And in all those grades, I wanted to be in sixth grade so I could do stuff with my church's youth group. And then when I was in middle school I wanted to be in high school so I could go to the special high school age stuff and be cool and one of the "older kids" and drive.
I was never satisfied. I was never happy with where I was.
And don't get me wrong. It's not like I had a miserable childhood. It was wonderful, getting to grow and do all those things.
But looking back ... I just wished I had taken some time to slow down and appreciate where I was in life.
Cause you're only there once.
You're only nine years old for a year, and then it's gone.
You're only in middle school for three years.
You're only in high school for four.
Life goes so quickly. And each step is new and exciting and beautiful. And even now, I long for the excitement and freedom and newness of college, which is only next year *screams in excitement and horror*
How does this relate to writing?
Well, I found myself doing the exact same thing with writing. Right now, it's the beta readers that are really calling my name.
"You have to whip this book into shape so you can GIVE IT TO ALLLL DA PEOPLE." And while yes, I really want to do that, and yes it's a GREAT thing ... I need to slow down. Because right now, I'm feeling bad about myself. When you are constantly focusing on where you want to be, you forget where you are and where you've been. You forget how much you've already done, and you focus on all the things you have yet to do and experience.
And that makes for feeling like a failure.
So please, I beg you, join me in this new mindset. YES, keep striving for that next step. But remember that writing (and life) is all about growth. And it is completely unfair to mentally beat yourself up over not reaching a place in your writing before you're ready. I have not gone through multiple drafts of TC. So I do not need to beat myself up about not having sent it off to betas yet.
That will come in time.
But first, I have to finish this draft. And the next one, and probably another one.
And I am going to let go of the shame of not moving faster and enjoy doing this writing thing. I'm going to enjoy each and every step of this process, and make it all count and matter. When I go to my little nano book, I'm going to have to remember that it's a first draft and really small and little and it will need lots of work because that's just my process. Good art takes time.
Let go of the pressure, the expectations to whip out books and give them to people. Look at where you are in your writing right. now. and admire it. Find something you love about this particular step. Being in the second draft, I love how I'm making the book better, but I'm still at an early enough stage where I can let go of some problems and fix them later. I won't have that luxury as much next draft.
Enjoy every step, of writing and of life. Because who knows? We aren't guaranteed another. So why spend any of those precious steps in shame and misery?
Smile. Breathe. Relax.
Enjoy writing. Enjoy life.
Do you struggle with longing to be further than you are? (have fun working out my wordage) What are some perks to the step in writing you're in right now?
28 comments
THIS IS SUCH AN ENCOURAGING POST HANNAH <3 Thank you for being honest and brave about your writing! I often feel like I want to fast forward in my own process, but other times I remind myself to slow down and actually enjoy the moment.
ReplyDeleteI'm actually attempting to first draft right now, but with this new book it's getting tricky because it demands more attention than the first two 'books' I previously wrote. I'm aiming to smoothly plan out my story before diving right in and regretting it later in the end.
- Andrea at A Surge of Thunder
Ahhh. Is it the third book to those first two books, as in a trilogy? Or your third book to write? And I should totally take some advice from this comment and do some more planning XP
DeleteOHH, THE INSPIRATION! I can relate, I also always wanted to be older. I to, need to appreciate where I am with my writing. It feels like everyone is like, "I need beta readers!" And I'm over here like, "I still need to give mine to ALPHA readers."
ReplyDeleteYou should totally do monthly wrap-ups. :) You wouldn't have to do it EVERY month either, you could just do it every two months. Really whatever works for you. :)
Thank you so much for doing this post, Hannah. I really needed it. :)
Ooooh that's a good idea!! Maybe quarters? *ponders* and I'm glad you enjoyed! <3
DeleteThis post spoke to my soul! (really, I'm not kidding). I've always had such a hard time slowing down and enjoying where I am RIGHT NOW rather than wishing I were somewhere else. For instance, I wish I was writing book #3 of my trilogy right now. I don't even want to think about book #2 (nor book #1, which is heading off to betas :P). But I need to remember what I love about book #2. It's a journey. Writing is a journey; life is a journey. I have a bracelet that reminds me to FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY. Because the journey is more awesome when we're not staring at our destination on the map the entire time.
ReplyDeleteSorry for my ramblings. That was a beautiful post.
<3
audrey caylin
Ahhh yes to this <3 If you don't enjoy the journey, the destination will be less satisfying
DeleteTHANK YOU SO MUCH! THIS WAS SO INSPIRATIONAL! I've been in a really weird place in my writing lately, and I've felt chill about it but I've felt guilty and nervous about being chill.
ReplyDeleteBeing chill is good! Have peace with where you are, but keep moving forward and doing your best <3
DeleteI think I found my favorite Hannah post: this one.
ReplyDeleteI really can't think of much to say. Only that I've been struggling with this and you just put it into such beautiful words. I can't even right now. <3
Dawwww <3<3 *awkward flopping* thank you, Emily!
DeleteThis is amazing. I need to remember this... To live in the NOW. To not rush ahead and be still.
ReplyDeleteYesyesyes! Being still. That's a good way to put it :)
DeleteYes, I get this! It's so easy to be focused on the future and forget the present. The problem is of course when what I'd hoped for finally arrives, I'm too busy looking at the next thing to enjoy it anyway.
ReplyDeleteSo yes, I really appreciated this post, Hannah. Your words are always so practical and wise. And I hope the editing you have planned goes really well for you! xx
Ah, yes! You keep missing what you accomplish when you keep your gaze on the horizon
DeleteYou always have such perfect timing with your posts! <3 Along with several other things, I've been struggling with thinking too far ahead with my writing, which has been putting a lot of pressure on me. But you've eased my soul with this post, and I'm so thankful. :D
ReplyDeleteOh, I'm so glad! <3 Thinking ahead IS okay, but there needs to be a balance. I'm so glad this helped you!
DeleteI remember being like that as a kid, never quite happy with where I was. I have learned to appreciate things a lot more since then.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad! Growth in the journey makes the walk so beautiful :)
DeleteHANNAH WHITE. I shall forever wonder how you manage to write such inspiring posts. I needed this so bad. It was beautiful gorgeousness and I already want to go back and read it again <3
ReplyDeleteEEP it sounds like there are so many exciting writing-things coming up + happening for you! And HURRAY FOR (almost) FINISHING YOUR SECOND DRAFT! *all the confetti and stardust-tossing* I love finishing drafts <3. And I totally get you on not touching your NaNo novel yet - I REALLY want to look back at mine, but I'm scared about what I'll find xD.
And yes, it would be super cool if you started doing Monthly Highlights ;).
~ Savannah
scattered-scribblings.blogspot.com
Yes, I'm very excited!!! Especially to look back at my nano novel *gnaws on lip nervously* We'll seeee XP And I think I'm going to start a monthly highlight thing, sort of ;) We'll see!
DeleteThank you for all your comments. They always make me smile :)
AHH HANNAH I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. Eeek. <3 I've been earning this recently. I keep imagining the future, and it hasn't been the greatest? This leads to thoughts about failing now and not doing enough or being great and just a lot of hate. Though it's been hard, I've been trying to enjoy the process. BECAUSE WRITING AND LIFE IS AMAZING. So. I'm doing my best to really, truly realize that. xD
ReplyDeleteKatieee *hugs* You are such a lovely human. Fight those thoughts and fears! You're amazing, and so is your writing. God has a wonderful plan for you <3
DeleteHey Hannah! I just discovered your lovely blog through the comment you left on mine! I love your blog so much! Totally following!! <3
ReplyDeleteAhw, thanks! <3
DeleteThis post...*hugs it* It's soooo sweet and encouraging. <3
ReplyDelete*hugs*
DeleteThis is so so important and I endlessly agree!! Although as a kid I distinctly didn't want to grow up at all.😜 I've always been like "NO DON'T LET MY BIRTHDAY COME I'M NOT READY FOR AGE". So. Ahem. But I am that way with my books. I tend to rush and I want to get to THE NEXT STEP OF AWESOME and in reality all the steps are awesome if you really stop to care about them. And we should, imo, because if the entire writing journey isn't fun a d fulfilling than it becomes a lot of tedious work and can kill passion. So YESSS to enjoying the whole journey!! <3
ReplyDeleteAwww <3 Little Cait. I can relate to that now (to an extent). Like NO I DON'T WANT TO ADULT. But at the same time ... FREEDOM. IT DRAWS NEAR. I heard this quote (can't remember who by) that went something like, "Life is as much about the journey as it is the destination." And that applies to writing so well.
DeleteComments bring us happiness and warm fuzzies, so please share your thoughts! Stan and I want everyone to be welcome, so we ask that you be kind and courteous and use nice language.