Yup. You read that right. Me, doing a wrap-up post? WOW. What has happened? *pantomimes bombs exploding*

I decided that I liked the idea of monthly wrap-ups, but didn't really want to do them every month. And there are twelve months in a year, and twelve is just an all around cooperative number so FIRST THREE MONTHS, YAY! That works great! And I can call it a quarter and EVERYONE IS HAPPY.

Ehem. Anyway. Here goes my first ever wrap-up post! *WARNING: this is going to be a little different than your average wrap-up. Be prepared for much poetry (most of it not the best).

L I F E

The days drag by

full of heat and fury

frustration and agony

stress and fear

so much fear

but there is no fear in love

for perfect love casts out fear

and so I pray

day after day

Lord, take this fear from me.

The days slip by

the stress has faded

but now there are questions

so

many

questions

rushing to replace

the anxiety

and I have no answers 

and so I wait 

and hope.

The days crawl by

and I want them to hurry

for this school year to be done

for the summer to arrive

with all the green and life

and light and happiness

of a time without so much of the future

digging its claws into my back.

The future.

That is what I fear.

The future.

That vast unknown

full of unmade decisions
uncertain words

and tentative roads.

But I do not walk alone

and so

I will not fear. 

W R I T I N G

The words do not wish to come

but I sit down

and I force them out

I force them onto the page

tugging hair

gritting teeth

until at long last

it is done

and the year I spent slaving away

rewards me with those beautiful words:

the end.

The order is placed

and so I wait

what feels like an 

e t e r n i t y

but they finally come

and I hold them close

and I sigh and smile

at long last

I hold these pieces of my soul

that I've spent so long

and put so much

into.

Edits begin again

but this time

they are smoother

and the words flow

and the smile stays.

there is no

ripping of hair

but rather

laughter

and joy and 

grace

grace for those hard days

and grace for the good ones

and I smile because

it gets better.

There is hope.

Translation: I have been somewhat productive so far this year, even with life being crazy. I finished the second draft of The Thief's Conspiracy back in February and started edits on The Dream Walkers this month. It has been soooo so wonderful and rewarding and I am very optimistic about this year!

*whispers* I also order printed copies of my books! And I read the Prologue and first chapter of DW to my family and they liked it. (Went much better than the last reading aloud attempt haaaa)

R E A D I N G

The girl longs for the world

of paper and ink

that captivated so many 
of her childhood days.

But time is short

and she must make choices

and so the books sit by

untouched.

Translation: I've read ... 9 books this year. *winces and hides* I know, I know. It could be a looot better. But IT COULD ALSO BE WORSE. And I have been writing a lot so THERE'S THAT. I'm getting back into reading right now and trying to get faster at it so I can do it more. 

Favorite book: The Screwtape Letters. This was my first time reading a book like this and I really, really enjoyed it. It took me several months to read, but it was soooo good. It was a lot to process, and it really got me thinking about everything differently, especially temptations and sin. 

Least favorite book: Sadly, I wasn't a huuuuge fan of most of the books I read? But my least favorite would have to be ... *whispers* The Raven Boys. I'd heard so much hype over this book, and all my writing friends (like, all of them) gave it four to five stars. Even though it wasn't really in my genre and the back cover blurb didn't appeal to me, I thought I should at least give it a try.

And it was okay. It was intriguing. I actually read the first one hundred pages in the middle of November after I hit 50k. But I had a lot of issues with it, and I just ... didn't like it. Especially the end. I felt really dumb, but I was so confused by the last paragraph that I had to look up the blurb for the next book to see if it explained what was going on, which it did and I WAS SO MAD CAUSE WHY. 

Okay I'm done ranting. *braces self for the angry Stiefvater fans* (I did like her writing style though!)

M U S I C

I close my eyes and let

Music has been a life saver this year. During the stressful month leading up to the ACT, I had Called Me Higher on repeat. It is such a good message. That we grow most when we spread our wings and let ourselves be vulnerable. God will watch over us and help us through the pain, and He will draw us closer to Him if we only let Him.

And this month, I've really fallen in love with Wonder. My cousin showed this one to me, and I've had it on repeat all this month. I'm taking Human Anatomy this semester and the two go so well together. It's so easy to get used to the world around us, but this song reminds me to open my eyes and really see the incredible beauty and brilliance in creation. 

O N   S T A N

(And so I move from free verse to very bad Haiku which are actually very fun to write.)

The most viewed posts on Stan have been ...

F U N   F A C T

Random facts are fun. 

They make me perk up and look. 

This world is so weird. 

I love random facts. I could throw so many at you right now.

I think my favorite one these last three months, though, has been about the first noted instance of biological warfare at the siege of Caffa (now Feodosija, Ukraine) in 1346. Some historians speculate that this event is what cause the spread of The Black Death into Europe, resulting in the deaths of hundreds of millions of people.

What happened?

Well, the Mongols besieged the city of Caffa. The Mongols decided to hurl the bodies of soldiers that had fallen to the Black Death over and into the city. In getting rid of the bodies, the defenders would likely have contracted the illness themselves. Caffa, being on the coast, had trade ships going in and out.

Lots of germs + citizens fleeing from dead bodies being hurled into their city = wild spread of deadly plague.

That, and the oldest goose ever reported to live was a gander named George that lived to a mighty 49 years and 8 months (according to the guiness book of world records).

And there are your fun facts for the day, brought to you by Hannah who surfed the very trustworthy and reliable internet for a stupid amount of time. #procrastinationboss


Thus ends my first Quarter wrap-up! Did you guys like this? Please let me know. If so, I'll make it a thing! :D

You will not be getting a post tomorrow (cause that would be too much Hannah for everyone) but I wish you all the best of luck for day one of Camp Nano! WRITE ALL THE WORDS! *showers you in confetti and coffee beans*

How has 2017 been for you so far? Any milestones reached, in life, writing, reading, or anything really? Any fun facts to share?

This week I thought I'd talk about the other side of the coin.

You've been working on a novel for a year. Maybe two. Or three. Let's say three.

So you've been working on a novel for three years. And you just don't know if it's worth it. Despite all your hard work, the plot is a wreck. Your characters are being stubborn and not doing what you want. The world building is cliche, the pacing all whacked up and you've just been so close to this story for so stinkin' long that you can't see it anymore and SOMEONE SEND HELP.

It's at this point when the infamous "writers block" sets in. Then one of two things will happen.

One, you'll put the book aside for a bit and read or brainstorm your way out of it.

Two, you'll put the book aside and you won't pick it up again.

Now, I've never fully abandoned a project I had taken on. I don't consider my first series "abandoned". Yes, I've let it go (and the whole Letting Go of your Story post was about that series) but in a way, I'm still holding onto it.

And I certainly have felt all the above feelings towards my WIP. *groans and slams forehead against keyboard* The plot has given me so. much. grief. I wrote the first draft in 2015 for nano, and even after that I still didn't know how the book was going to end. HOW DO YOU WRITE A BOOK AND STILL NOT KNOW HOW IT ENDS.

Well, I am a pro at that. Just ask me about it and I'll teach you all the ways.

There comes a point for everyone when you just want to give up. Some have it harder than others.

Is this story really worth it, after all? Is it worth all this time and pain and sweat and tears and creativity?

Is it worth holding onto?

The Thief's Conspiracy turned a year old in October. I took on the project in May-ish of 2015, though, and planned stuff out for five months before actually writing it. A good chunk of one of my journals holds the first bits of brainstorming I did for this, and then I've already completely filled one journal with notes on it.

Point is: I've spent a lot of time and a lot of work on this. But my progress is so slow. I've got The Dream Walkers sitting here, all sparkly and pretty in it's first draft glory, and I'm more happy and proud of that, a work that took me 30 days, than a draft I spent a whole year on.

HOW DOES THAT WORK? Goodness.

It's really tempting just to toss TC out the window and forget about it. Middle Grade likes me better apparently. I'm a failure with YA. Right?

Let's stop here and make a list. Because we need to sort some things out.



Hear me out! This might sound like a contradiction, but it's not.

In order to truly stick to your story, to hold on to it and not give up on it, you have to let it go. You have to realize that its flaws and imperfections do not define you. Because if you let those mistakes determine what kind of a writer or person you are, it will crumble your confidence. You can't do that to yourself.

You have to let it go. Say, yes this is my story. But it is not me. I'm working through the problems because I believe it can be a great novel someday.

That's the first big step. If you don't let go of it, you're going to hate on yourself during edits. You're going to berate yourself, wondering why you can't be a better writer. Wondering what's wrong with you to have made this story such a mess, and how could you possibly have made such a mistake in thinking you could write this story?

You have to let that go. Every book comes with its problems. And likelihood is, the harder stories, the ones that take the most work, are going to be the greatest works you'll ever produce.

You have to decide if the story is worth it. I'd love to tell you yes, your story is worth it. But sadly, that might not be the case. Some stories are good stepping stones. They teach us valuables things about writing, and about ourselves.

And they aren't meant to be more. They are just for you, and they don't need to go out into the world.

But only you can make that call.

Only you can look on the pages of your manuscript and decide if it's worth it. Only you can know. Only you can decide.

Why are you considering letting go of your story? Of putting it down and never touching it again?

Is it because you think it will never be good enough? That it will never stand a chance? That the plot is just a wreck and can't be fixed, and the characters are all flat and it's just not worth it?

If you're feeling these kinds of thoughts, I BEG YOU. Hold onto it. Those thoughts are not good, and they're definitely not from God. If you're striving to write what He wants you to write, you won't put down a book because of feelings like that. Those are not from Him. Think about it. If God wants you to put a project down, how would He tell you to do so? He would not tell you you don't have what it takes. He would show you that your energy could be spent on a story that maybe carries a message you and the world need more than the last one.

Think about it and pray. And if you decide to stick with it, you'll have to take one more point:


Love is not a feeling. Love is a choice.

Let's use siblings as an example here.

We don't always like our siblings. That's just the truth of it. It's impossible to be filled with love and affection for your screaming little brother every second of every day. You have to make a choice. You have to choose to put aside your own grumpiness and dislike and care for and nurture the little toddler.

Just like you're not always going to like your siblings, you're not always going to like your book. It's tricky though, because sometimes you will like your book. And when you like your book and want to work with it, it's so easy to hold on and love and nurture and work on it.

And it's so easy to think something wrong has happened when you start dislike your story. If you base your devotion and dedications on how you feel, then it only makes sense for that devotion to fade as soon as the desire does.

If you've decided that it's worth it, you have to choose. Choose to hold onto your story. Choose to stick with it and love it.


Are you wrestling with whether to keep your story or not? How do you decide to stay with a project? 

<3