choice after choice / a poem

6:00 AM

I don't know about you
but I always imagined in the back of my mind
that the Garden of Gethsemane
was where the choice was made.
that in that moment
he decided to do it
to sacrifice himself
to die
to separate from His Father
and suffer a brutal
agonizing death
apart from God.
did Jesus have faith?
I think He must have had to
because in those moments
He was human
and humans fear.

so with fear in His veins
but God in his heart,
He stepped forward and let Judas kiss His cheek
let the soldiers drag Him away.

but you see, it wasn't over yet.

yes, there's more to the story
but that's not what I mean.
Jesus may have made a choice in that garden
or long, long before
(He came down to earth, did He not?)
but the moment the guards snapped the chains on His wrists
was not the moment of no return.

because Jesus was able to turn back
He was able to step away.
if He wanted to
He could have called down a legion of angels
thousands upon thousands of heavenly warriors
swords raised
light beaming from their faces
in defense of the Son of God
their Brother and King.

He could have looked down
and healed every wound on His body.
with a blink
He could have sent the whip
tearing His back apart
into a thousand flecks of dust.
He could have forced His will upon the screaming mass
and had them cry for Him to be released instead.
He could have asked the guards politely
to lower their weapons
and walk away
and they would have done it.

every single moment
every single breath
every heartbeat that passed
between those chains snapping around His wrists
and the final breath whooshing from His lungs
was a choice.
in any of those moments He could have cried,
and ended it then and there.
no more pain
but freedom
no more sin
but His Father's loving embrace.

but He didn't do it
because the only way He could truly finish it
was to do His Father's will.

so he let them snap the chains on His wrists
when He could have broken them like a twig.
He let the guards push and shove Him
and drag Him into the court
when He could have blinked and had angels at their throats.
He could have said over the screaming mob,
"bow before Me, the King of the earth!"
and every knee would have hit the pavement
if He so desired.
he could have called down God Himself
to lift Him down from the cross.

but He didn't.

instead He stood quietly
and humbly.
the courage He must have had
floors me
for Him to let them drag Him away
to beat Him
and spit on Him
and tear His back to shreds
(how did he hold out
and stay strong through every single lash?)
take a hammer and nail
and drive the stake into his wrists
(how many times did the hammer hit the nail?
how many shaky breaths did He take
to stay brave and let them do it?)
with every lash 
and every beat of the hammer
and every ragged breath 
as he lifted himself up by the spikes in his wrists
to draw in another painful breath
every single breath He had to choose to take
and not to call it all off.

He let them do it
He let them do it all.
because He loves us more
than His own life.

how can we love Him
any less?

we often ask ourselves
"would I die for Jesus?"
He died for us, after all.
but the harder question, I think
and the one I ask you now
is "will you live for Him?"


Sorry about my absence last week! And I come back now with an unusual post, but this is something I've been thinking about the last few weeks during the Lord's Supper. Jesus had so much courage, and I had never really thought about the fact that He had to keep choosing us. Because at any moment, He could have called it all off. Ended the agony, the suffering, the horror of the cross. But He didn't, and that is something so incredible, I will never be able to comprehend it. Our God is amazing.

How have you guys been? How has the new year started off for you? What do you think about during the Lord's Supper?


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  1. OMW THIS WAS SO ACHINGLY LOVELY I NEARLY CRIED <33 I never thought about it like that but wow.

    THANKS :)

  2. this is extremely beautiful, and such a insightful perspective. what an amazing thing His grace is, indeed.

    my new year has started off very nicely - i hope yours has as well, hannah. :)

    - charli

    1. Amen! I cannot even begin to fathom it :) I'm glad your new year has started off well!

  3. Wow, I'd never thought of it quite like that before. That's hugely powerful - it makes His sacrifice even greater! Thanks for sharing your heart, Hannah. It's beautiful. xx


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